Saturday, May 26, 2007

Subuh

Sayup-sayup kudengar suaramu berdzikir...

Refleks aku menyentuh sisi tempatmu biasa tidur, dan melihat jam... 05.45 waktu Singapura. Hari Sabtu pagi... masih terlalu pagi untuk bangun, bahkan matahari pun belum terbit. Disini segala sesuatu lebih lambat 1 jam dibandingkan Jakarta.

Tapi kamu sudah bangun, sholat subuh dan berdzikir.

Ada saat-saat dimana aku menemani kamu sholat, walaupun hanya duduk diam tak bersuara... tapi aku tahu ketika setetes air matamu jatuh di atas sajadah yang kamu beli ketika ber-haji... dan aku pun ikut bersujud ketika aku melihatmu bersujud lama sekali meminta ampun kepada Tuhan... Ada saat saat ketika kesulitan datang dan masalah silih berganti, aku melihatmu bersimpuh memejamkan mata sambil memegang erat buku doamu.

Setiap kali melihatmu sholat dan berdzikir, aku merasa aman... aku merasa hatiku penuh... aku merasa iman dan keyakinanku semakin kuat... Aku selalu percaya kekuatan sholat dan dzikir, seperti aku percaya kekuatan doa dan novena atau rosario. Aku selalu percaya Tuhan akan melihat disaat kamu bersujud dan aku berlutut memohon ampun. Aku selalu percaya bahwa kita berdua adalah sama, bukan berbeda seperti kebanyakkan orang bilang.

06.25 waktu Singapura. Kamu masih berdzikir dan aku masih terpekur di tempat tidur. Tanpa aku sadari mataku basah... "Ya Tuhan, Engkau Maha Besar Maha Mengetahui... aku mohon kabulkanlah doa-doanya".


Allahu Akbar.



Untuk mas Ade... untuk dzikir yang mengalun indah, yang aku tahu bukan hanya karena merdu suaramu tapi karena engkau berdzikir sepenuh hati segenap jiwa.

Friday, May 25, 2007

.:: About Love ::.

I asked my man the other day, " Do you know what love is? Why you decided to say 'I love you' to me? Why not to somebody else? If you say 'that' to me, do you mean it?"

Then suddenly he turned to me (he's working on his laptop when I popped the questions), looked me in the eye, and panic.... hahahahahhahaha.

Controlling his breathing, he asked me back, "Have you been reading something, a novel? Have you watched something romantic with your friends? Or or or... errrr... you've been reading those gossip magazines again?"

What is it about men when we ask about love? Why men have to relate "a question about love" to something that probably we have been doing before. Maybe I haven't done anything before I asked him - not a romantic movie nor a happily-ever-after novel, maybe it just came up and I spontaneously threw him the questions, maybe it was just because I need to know. Maybe it was a surprise.

And by the way, how come he can relate reading a gossip magazine to a question about love?

Seeing he mumbled and frowned his eyebrow, I even more bombarded him. "So what if you are a famous actor..... or let's say somebody famous lah (I don't really fancy actors or singers, but I do read gossips :p ) and you get this award and getting an award means you have to make a speech in front of everybody... and after you thank here and thank there, at the end you have to make a sweet closure for your speech isn't it right? So if this's your situation, would you care to mention my name and say 'I love you' at the end of your speech?"

"I don't really get it" he said.

Oh Lord, didn't I point it out so clearly?

"Look, ok, you are an actor and you receive an award, ok, an Oscar for example. Then you have to make a speech, so would you care to...."

"Ok ok ok, I get it now, I have to mention your name right? and say 'I love you' to you in front of everybody... so, it's like - "'Thank you ladies and gentlemen bla bla bla, thank you my fans and my team bla bla bla... and at the end I have to say 'Jazzy.... I love you' '", like those hollywood celebrities when they receive an award right? It's that what you wanted?" he told me and looked me in the eye - a look that forced me to admit that I've been reading at least one newest gossip magazine. (Oh, I hate if he looked at me in the eye, he has such a sharp pair of eyes).

"Well, yes... sort of..."

"But do you mean that?" I, unsatisfied with his answer, asked again.

"Mean what?" he's frowning his forehead again.

"The 'I love you' thing... saying in front of everybody..."

"Do you think I mean it or not?" he asked me back.

"I don't know", I told him honestly.

"Well, ok, I'm about to stop working and shut down my laptop, then I'll show you how much I mean it to say 'I love you' to you".

He blinked his right eye to me.

"Hmmm ok". Me speechless.

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Ohhhh bugger.

Monday, May 21, 2007

What should I do...


What should I do GOD? Things are not going as planned these days.


What should I do GOD? My life is getting more and more miserable.


What should I do GOD? Seems like I don't have any future waits for me.


What should I do GOD? I just couldn't make any right decision.


What should I do GOD? I don't think I can make it anymore.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

To My Godparents...

It's almost 29years ago when you both stood beside my parents and pledged in front of GOD to be my Godparents. I didn't realize how meaningful and important you as my Godparents until I'm almost losing both of you... I know I might not be a good Godchild, but as I never spoken out loud before, I do love you both, I do love you as my second parents...


Did you remember when we had lunch in Satoo Restaurant Shangri-La Hotel? It was my 27th birthday. We really had a great time there... It's the last birthday celebration I had with all of you since I'd have been in Singapore the next year.














Did you remember our quick lunch together in Sizzler - American Grill Restaurant Pondok Indah Mall just three days before I went to Singapore, at that time I have given you all my new name card and everybody got one each... that time was absolutely perfect... although we hadn't had it in a hotel as we used to be because the reservation was in last minute... but everybody was there, and I never had my heart to be completely full of happiness before... the sad thing is I didn't know that it's our last time together.











Did you remember when oma was still around? When we used to barbeque in her house, when we had the ice Kelapa Muda together... or when we kids played badminton in the yard. Those are the most beautiful Sundays I ever had, and I didn't realize until those days are gone by years.
















"There are many promises in my heart and soul for you and everybody in the family, but I know that I wouldn't have the chance to make all my promises come true... but there's one promise that I always carry out with me everywhere I go, that is my love to both of you, to my one and only Godparents... to Oom and Tante."

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Chicken Rice

An Authentic Singapore Food that probably never get me bored is Chicken Rice. The combination of a steamed/roasted chicken together with fragrant rice and tangy ginger chili is always a solution whenever I have no idea of what to eat. There are two types of Chicken Rice here in Singapore: Chinese Chicken Rice and Malay Chicken Rice. Both are basically a common, tho' the Malay Chicken Rice is especially for Moslem friends for them to eat without worries. Frankly speaking, Chinese Chicken Rice is more delicious than the Malay one, but if you concern about the P&L* then you shouldn't eat that unless it is stated NP&NL*.

As I also have to eat without P&L, here are my findings of Chinese Chicken Rice which commited that they are using NP&NL product. Well, the rest is their responsibility as they also didn't have the official certificate from MUIS.

1.Chinatown Boneless Chicken Rice (The Hawker Centre near Sheng Siong Supermarket). The price's started from S$2 per plate.
2.Yishun Bus Interchange Boneless Chicken Rice (Hawker Centre adjacent to Yishun Bus Int.). The price's also started from S$2 per plate.


*P&L: Pork and Lard
*NP&NL: No Pork and No Lard

Live the Life I want...

I'm raised in a family where "formal" working is a must. The definition of this formal thing is working in a big company, wearing those business suit, being hectic from 8 to 5, and a prospective career development after some years in the company = being loyal for one company.

Well, both my parents are successfully "formal workers" and my brother also followed the way to be one. My father has his own business, my mother is positioned as a top management and a guest lecturer in many universities, and my brother is an IT consultant in a foreign bank.

For the last 8 years in my life, I've been working as a "formal" worker. Starting as a secretary when I was merely 20 years old, I've been reaching a stable good position in my late twenties. I've done anything that anybody could do... I do the Marketing, Operation, Human Resource, IT, and even an Event Organizer. Just tell me and I can do it.

But I think that's it. I'm sick of all that.

Now I want to live the way I want to live...

My passion is to be a writer. I know I'm not really good in writing romance stories nor probably horror stories, but I always wanted to be a Travel Writer. Being a writer is all I want, and travelling is something that I could never resist to. I always long to search on new places, and my dream is to travel around the world.

But what my family would say for that?

Maybe just like what my man said to me earlier, "You have lived the way your parents want you to live for 28 years: you're being a nice girl, being a smart, being a top student for all the years, being a daughter that never bothered the parents, being a child that parents can be proud of, being just exactly what they want... Now it is the time for you to have your own life, be your own person... If you want to be a travel writer, just go, take that opportunity, go wherever your heart wants, be just yourself, don't be somebody else just to please your family... for it is your own life not theirs."

Maybe I have to be myself... maybe working like this is not really me. Maybe working behind the desk for 8 consecutive hours is just wrong for me. Maybe I have to push myself to have the courage of being myself not somebody else.



Well, having said that...






















I DO see myself as a Travel Writer... Someday... When I'm ready to be exactly myself.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Just For Fun

Here goes my wish list for the year of 2007. These are not something that I HAVE to buy, but I will be very grateful if I can have them all, or at least one of them...




1. Asus Notebook S6F. Pink Leather Limited Edition. The specification can be found here. This Asus Pink is smaller and lighter than my two-year old Sony Vaio, although nothing happens to my 13.3" Sony Vaio but I DO need a notebook which is smaller, lighter, newer and cuter... *wink wink wink*
























2. Nintendo DS Lite in Coral Pink. Well, this is something that probably unuseful for me, but since I can be considered as a gadget girl, I think this one is a must.























3. Sony PSP in Pink. Again, another unuseful thing for me.. but who can't resist something that is too beautiful? Basically, Nintendo DS Lite and Sony PSP are the same: game console. But the fact is, Nintendo DS Lite is more friendly for girls than Sony PSP. But if I have the choice to choose, I will choose them both.






















4. Nokia Newest Communicator: E90. In Maroon Colour. Being completely satisfied with my 9300, now it's the time to change to the newer one...




























5. Nikon D80. Digital SLR Camera... The complete specification can be found here. There's nothing wrong with my red-compact-digicam Sony T5, but in order to fulfill my needs for a better quality photos... I guess I will need this one.
*wide-eyed*



























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Five is more than enough for a wish list... Ok, I have to keep praying and trying... Ora et Labora!!!

Jesus Take The Wheel...

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy
with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It'd been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
she was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my lifeI know
I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on

Oh, Jesus take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
Oh, why, oh

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Being with somebody for the rest of our lives

"It's the first time that I’ve known in every cell of my being that I’m with somebody for the rest of my life"

Quote is taken from ellendegeneres


* Dedicated to mas Ade, the one and only "somebody" that I want to spend the rest of my life with...

Come Down to Me...

Words fall out of my mouth
And I can’t seem to trace what I’m saying
Everybody wants your time
I’m just dreaming out loud,
I can’t have you for mine and I know it
I just wanna watch you shine.

Tripping up on my tongue,
It’s all over my face and I’m racing
Gotta get away from you
Burning all the way home,
Try to put it to bed but it chases
Every little thing I do

When the light falls on your face,
Don’t let it change you
When the stars get in your eyes,
Don’t let them blind you.

You’re beautiful
Just the way you are
And I love it all
Every line, and every scar
And I wish that I could make you see
This is where you ought to be,
Come down to me.

Spell it out in a song
Bet you never catch on to my weakness
I’m singing every word for you.
Here I’m thinking I’m sly
Then you’re catching my eye, and just maybe
You’re thinking what I’m thinking too

When you see it on my face,
Don’t let it shake you
I know better than to try and
Take you with me.

*By Saving Jane

My Favorite Songs

Day: Early April 2007
Time: Around 7pm
Venue: my office, my desk
Theme Song: Anggun


It was after office hour. As always, I put Anggun's songs in my computer. The very same songs for the last two months.

Then suddenly, one of my colleague approached me and asked, "Why you always play those songs, hah? Everyday you play play, I got bored lor."

At that moment, I didn't know what to answer, it's because I didn't realize that my songs were bothering my colleagues. I always put my earphone on, or at least I set the volume of my computer as low as can be, so the songs would be just like whispers. And it's always after office hour! Never on the office hour... So at that time I had nothing to respond…

As she insisted to get my answer, I told her that I just like the songs of Anggun very much, they filled up my soul and senses every single time I listen to those beautiful songs, and I really cannot explain more and detailed why I like them, I just like them very much full stop.

I know she's not satisfied with my answer, I also bet she cannot understand why a person can listen to the same songs for more than two months without even listening to other songs. But I definitely cannot explain furthermore...I don't know if it's because it was a very hectic day and everybody got frustrated, or maybe it was still early April but the paycheck is gone already, but this dear friend of mine kept standing near my desk with demanding eyes... a demand for at least a decent answer from my mouth.

"Why, hah, why? Aiyooo, tell me lah... it's impossible you know..., to like some songs very much except those are soooo meaningful to you... are you broken hearted heh? You broke up with your boyfriend mah?"

Walah, how come liking a particular song can be connected to a broken heart? Well, yes it can be connected off course, but why I have to explain much about the songs I love to play over and over again... I just love them, nothing to explain anymore. And I think she absolutely knew that my relationship was just fine as usual.

As she probably noticed that I was getting uncomfortable of being asked about my personal things, she left me with saying "Okay okay lor... up to you lah, you play play songs you like..... thought you broken hearted what, wanna help you to recover lor.... and after that I take your boyfriend away huahuahuahuahua"......

I was stunned for a while.

But then I just smiled and continued....


"...Melambung jauh terbang tinggi bersama mimpi, terlelap dalam lautan emosi, setelah aku sadar diri kau tlah jauh pergi... tinggalkan mimpi yang tiada bertepi......"

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

.............

Me and my man will celebrate our sixth anniverysary on this September 2007. It's a quite long journey. We've been through everything and almost anything. But just recently, I experienced the feeling that my man is no longer "warm and loving" as usual... I know that he still loves me, this six years feeling is not an easy thing to let go or disappear, but I'm just afraid if he gets bored with me.

Yes boreness does happen, and it can be happened to everybody in any ciscumstances.

I'm afraid it happens to my man and in the circumstance of our relationship.

The Missing Piece of A Jigsaw Puzzle

"You know, when you're doing a jigsaw puzzle and the piece looks like it should fit exactly, but it doesn't? So you try to squeeze it in but you know it's not the right piece. But you're lazy, so you leave that piece there. You (really should) find the right piece - and she's the right piece."

Quote is taken from ellendegeneres