Do people really care?

My mother's coming to Singapore today. She's in her business trip. The actual schedule is started tomorrow, but because I'm here then she's taking a day earlier to shop around Orchard with me. And also staying with me in my place.

I shared many things with her during our shopping and eating out. Maybe it was me, maybe I'm too sensitive, but it seemed like my mother didn't really care about me anymore. Maybe she thinks I already have what I wanted; A convenient place. A promising job. A life. A free soul.

Maybe those are the things I really wanted.

Maybe those are not.

Just last nite, my man called me, and he said that we have to be in Jakarta for a little longer than usual. There are so many things to do in there, and he asked me to be with him, in Jakarta. Maybe it was me again, but I felt that my man asked me without knowing how I feel.

And also last nite, my friend cancelled her appointment with me - okay, she's not cancelling - but she didn't come! Later she smsed me informing that she forgot about our appointment. How come? We smsed each other in the morning, and it's impossible if she just forgot it in the evening.

Then again, I happened to e-mail some friends, just saying hi or so, I even asked and discussed about something, but all answers were flat and seemed they weren't really pay attention to what I wrote.

Suddenly I remember about my man's family. I remember those four years and more with them (they are the reason why I'm not comfortable in Jakarta), I gave everything to help them out, I was always ready for them. I loved them like my own family. But what I got from them? They thought what I have done for them is for money. Great.

I'm lonely tonight. Inspite of my mother is reading in the living room, I'm completely alone. Do people really care like I care to them?

My Simple Recipe of Happiness

I've been searching for happiness lately. And just suddenly I came up with a mixture of my own happiness. Here it goes:



1. Having a close relationship to GOD. The source of my happiness is coming from my faith to GOD above. I'd be very happy if I can come to the church anytime, have my own time for praying at home, and am being able to understand what the Bible had written.


2. Knowing that my family and relatives are doing well. One thing that really bothering me is my family. If something wrong with them, my life would be very stressful. I just want the best for them, and I always pray to GOD for taking care my family and relatives very well.

3. Being in love with my man, as always. If he's happy then I will also be very happy.

4. Being surrounded with my good friends.

Bag oh Bag....

I've never liked Louis Vuitton anyway. Just everytime I go to Takashimaya, and see the crowds in the Louis Vuitton store, I keep reminding myself not to join the crowds nor buying one of the Louis Vuitton products.

I thought Louis Vuitton is never worth of money. I prefer my long time lover Burberry or the New Yorker Coach. But then, never say never.

I'm now eyeing this Damier Azur Naviglio Louis Vuitton sling bag!!! Selling for S$1420.

(Sigh......)

Holy Land Tour - October 2007

Israel + Jerusalem + Turkey
22 October - 1 November 2007
Holy Land Tour


Cost: USD 1805 (including flight ticket of Turkish Air: Sgp - Istambul Tel Aviv - Sgp, hotels, bus, all the meals, tips for guides, Entrance Fees, International Taxes and Visas).

Last registration: 15 September 2007.



* May GOD allow me to join this Holy Tour. Amen.

There's No Place I'd Rather Be

I've walked the streets of Cairo and Bombay
I've seen the neon signs on old Broadway
I've climbed the Eiffel Tower
The Great Wall in one hour
Experienced sweet and sour but that's okay

Seen Hollywood, the sunsets in LA
The London Bridge, Big Ben, The Thames, UK
I've crossed the River Kwai
Yet still I don't know why
I think of you each night and every day

There's no place I'd rather be
You'll always be a part of me
And even though I've roamed the world
It's still my home I long to see

This is where my family
And my friends grew up with me
So I'll cross the skies and sail the seas
To be where I wanna be

Coz there's no place I'd rather be...


* Official Song of NDP 2007, Marina 090807. Music and Lyrics by Jimmy Ye, sung by Kit Chan.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


This is supposed for Singapore. But in my case, Jakarta is the place where my family and friends are. Yes I've roamed the world and still I live in Singapore. But I think about Jakarta every day and night. In every second of my being. And I know someday I'll go back home, to the place I'd rather be, to be in Jakarta.

I need a new life (again)

and Singapore is not my Final Destination...

Can't Help Falling in Love

Wise men say only fools rush in
But I can't help falling in love with you
Shall I stay would it be a sin
If I can't help falling in love with you

Like a river flows
Surely to the sea
Darling, so it goes
Some things are meant to be

Take my hand
Take my whole life too
If I can't help falling in love with you

Like a river flows
Surely to the sea
Darling, so it goes
Some things are meant to be

Take my hand
Take my whole life too
If I can't help falling in love with you
If I can't help falling in love with you


* I love the version of this song sung by Michael Buble. He sang it better than Julio Iglesias.

** To Mas Ade, as always, I wish to fall in love with you over and over again.

Happy Ending

I just read one of my friends' Friendster, and on her shoutout she wrote about 'Happy Ending'. She wrote that she's making her happy ending because she's married with someone she loves.

Okay.

Maybe I'm too cynical about the words 'Happy Ending'.

But why most people always call a marriage as a solution in life? How about if the marriage doesn't last forever? Does 'Happily Ever After' really exist? How about if the spouse cheating? Or how about if the love will be gone after some years?

I'm not a person who against marriage but also not really into marriage. Actually there's no reason why I should be sensitive about this subject because my parents are happily married. Real Happy. Probably I'm just afraid if I will not last like them. Even my brother who is four years younger than me are more than ready to get married. He has his five-year-plus steady girlfriend. He already bought a house (yes, a house!!! so much for a 25 y.o man, right?) and the girlfriend already has a car. Perfect. Maybe me and my parents will contribute for the furnitures. Hahahahaha.

So, back to me. How about me? What do I have? A house? A car? Furnitures? Saving money for marriage ceremony? What I don't have is a courage to get married.

Why my brother is so ready to take a big leap of his life by getting married? Why musn't I?

~~~~~~~~~

Just last nite, I was walking along Orchard Road, I promised to meet up my good friend in The Balcony Bar, Heeren, for a drink or two. I walked alone from Takashimaya to Heeren, not quite far I can say, but I saw many things during my walk. Couples, Families, Office Colleagues, Friends. And suddenly I remembered my prayers years ago, when I pictured myself walking in Orchard Road after office hour to meet friends for a drink. And I also remembered that I always pictured myself walking alone. I had never put myself in pairing with someone. Maybe I should had pictured myself walking along Orchard Road with someone, hand in hand, or with a baby stroller in his hands... ouchhhhh. Gross.

Still it's easier to see myself walking alone, with a cigarette in my finger.

~~~~~~~~~

So, how about my 'Happy Ending'? Just yesterday I wrote about Pursuit of Happyness, and today I came up with this subject. What am I up to anyway?

Why I bother so much about this happy-happy-thing? I probably not happy. But I do thankful for what GOD has given to me. But I can't deny that something is missing in me. And I don't know exactly what it is.

Maybe it's my 'Happy Ending'.

I'm not that 'open'

You Are 28% Open

You are open at times, but generally you don't let many people into your inner world. It's possible that you have a friend or two that knows you well. But to most people, you are a total mystery.

How Open Are You?

Pursuit of Happyness

Baby, I'm now riding this new greyish VW Beetle you bought for me for my birthday. It's very beautiful. I was just passing by Penang Road, and I will go through CTE entrance near Le Meridien Orchard. I'll be in Euphony in 20 minutes to take our last belongings.

I've been thinking about our life lately, Baby, and how GOD put HIS mercy to us very much. I never imagined we can have another beautiful place after this Euphony. But then GOD gave us a place in Devonshire, just a stroll from Orchard, not barely a minute I can say.

You're now driving your Mercedes SLK, you gave away your Jaguar for it. "It's all I wanted," you told me excitedly.

Yes this all we wanted, Baby. A condominium in prime location. Luxurious cars. High-end gadgets. Enough money to buy all we need. Enough money to give to the needy...

We call it happyness.


~*~*~*~*~


Baby, I was just finished unpacking our things. I thought this will never end, hehehe. I'm tired and exhausted, but also excited. I had never imagined why we have so many things. I was just afraid we would broken our Honda Airwave if we put more things on it. But you said it will never happen, "This car is very strong, darling," you smiled at me. "How do you know?" I asked you. "Yes, because it's made from 'The Power of Dreams', like us... We live from the dream, our dreams..." your smile even bigger than before.

I smiled back at you.

Baby, I'm now standing in our bedroom window. This two bedroom apartment is our new place. We will start our life in here. This place is not near the city nor to our work, but it's peaceful and quiet. Tears are coming from my eyes, Baby. I barely can see the greenery in the distance. I can feel the wind blowing. I can feel your hand in my waist.

As my tears are coming down heavily and your hand hold my waist even tightly... I know that this is all we wanted.

We call it happiness.

RAMALAN JAYABAYA (JAYABAYA PREDICTION)

Besuk yen wis ana kreta tanpa jaran. One day there will be a cart without a horse.

Tanah Jawa kalungan wesi. The island of Java will be circled by an ironnecklace.

Prahu mlaku ing dhuwur awang-awang. There will be a boat flying in the sky.

Kali ilang kedhunge. The river will loose its current.

Pasar ilang kumandhang. There will be markets without crowds.

Iku tanda yen tekane jaman Jayabaya wis cedhak. These are the signs that the Jayabaya era is coming.

Bumi saya suwe saya mengkeret. The earth will shrink.

Sekilan bumi dipajeki. Every inch of land will be taxed.

Jaran doyan mangan sambel. Horses will devour chili sauce.

Wong wadon nganggo pakaian lanang. Women will dress in men’s clothes.

Iku tandane yen wong bakal nemoni wolak-walikingjaman. These are the signs that the people and theircivilization have been turned upside down.


Akeh janji ora ditetepi. Many promises unkept.

Akeh wong wani mlanggar sumpahe dhewe. Many break their oath.

Manungsa pada seneng nyalah. People will tend to blame on each other.

Ora ngindahake hukum Allah. They will ignore God’s law.

Barang jahat diangkat-angkat. Evil things will be lifted up.

Barang suci dibenci. Holy things will be despised.

Akeh manungsa mung ngutamake duwit. Many people will become fixated on money.

Lali kamanungsan. Ignoring humanity.

Lali kabecikan. Forgetting kindness.

Lali sanak lali kadang. Abandoning their families.

Akeh Bapa lali anak. Fathers will abandon their children.

Akeh anak wani nglawan ibu. Children will be disrespectful to their mothers.

Nantang bapa. And battle against their fathers.

Sedulur pada cidra. Siblings will collide violently.

Kulawarga pada curiga. Family members will become suspicious of each other.

Kanca dadi mungsuh. Friends become enemies.

Akeh manungsa lali asale. People will forget their roots.

Ukuman Ratu ora adil. The queen’s judgements will be unjust.

Akeh pangkat sing jahat lan ganjil. There will be many peculiar and evil leaders.

Akeh kelakuan sing ganjil. Many will behave strangely.

Wong apik-apik pada kepencil. Good people will be isolated.

Akeh wong nyambut gawe apik-apik pada krasa isin. Many people will be too embarrassed to do the rightthings.

Luwih utama ngapusi. Choosing falsehood instead.

Wegah nyambut gawe. Many will be lazy to work.

Kepingin urip mewah. Seduced by luxury.

Ngumbar nafsu angkara murka, nggedhekake duraka. They will take the easy path of crime and deceit.


Wong bener thenger-thenger. The honest will be confused.

Wong salah bungah. The dishonest will be joyful.

Wong apik ditampik-tampik. The good will be rejected.

Wong jahat munggah pangkat. The evil ones will rise to the top.

Wong agung kesinggung. Noble people will be wounded by unjust criticism.

Wong ala kepuja. Evil doers will be worshipped.

Wong wadon ilang kawirangane. Women will become shameless.

Wong lanang ilang kaprawirane. Men will loose their courage.

Akeh wong lanang ora duwe bojo. Men will choose not to get married.

Akeh wong wadon ora setya marang bojone. Women will be unfaithful to their husbands.

Akeh ibu pada ngedol anake. Mothers will sell their babies.

Akeh wong wadon ngedol awake. Women will engage in prostitution.

Akeh wong ijol bebojo. Couples will trade partners.

Wong wadon nunggang jaran. Women will ride horses.

Wong lanang linggih plangki. Men will be carried in a stretcher.

Randa seuang loro. A divorcee will be valued at 17 cents.

Prawan seaga lima. A virgin will be valued at 10 cents.

Duda pincang laku sembilan uang. A crippled men will be valued at 75 cents.

Akeh wong ngedol ngelmu. Many will earn their living by trading theirknowledge.

Akeh wong ngaku-aku. Many will claims other’s merits as their own.

Njabane putih njerone dadu. It is only a cover for the dice.

Ngakune suci, nanging sucine palsu. They will proclaim their righteousness despite theirsinful ways.

Akeh bujuk akeh lojo. Many will use sly and dirty tricks.

Akeh udan salah mangsa. Rains will fall in the wrong season.

Akeh prawan tuwa. Many women will remain virgins into their old age.

Akeh randa nglairake anak. Many divorcees will give birth.

Akeh jabang bayi lahir nggoleki bapakne. Newborns will search for their fathers.

Agama akeh sing nantang. Religions will be attacked.

Perikamanungsan saya ilang. Humanitarianism will no longer have importance.

Omah suci dibenci. Holy temples will be hated.

Omah ala saya dipuja. They will be more fond of praising evil places.

Wong wadon lacur ing ngendi-endi. Prostitution will be everywhere.

Akeh laknat. There will be many worthy of damnation.

Akeh pengkhianat. There will be many betrayals.

Anak mangan bapak. Children will be against father.

Sedulur mangan sedulur. Siblings will be against siblings.

Kanca dadi mungsuh. Friends will become enemies.

Guru disatru. Students will show hostility toward teachers.

Tangga pada curiga. Neighbours will become suspicious of each other.

Kana-kene saya angkara murka. And ruthlessness will be everywhere.

Sing weruh kebubuhan. The eyewitness has to take the responsibility.

Sing ora weruh ketutuh. The ones who have nothing to do with the case will be prosecuted.

Besuk yen ana peperangan. One day when there will armagedon.
Teka saka wetan, kulon, kidul lan lor.In the east, in the west, in the south, and in the north.

Akeh wong becik saya sengsara. Good people will suffer more.

Wong jahat saya seneng. Bad people will be happier.

Wektu iku akeh dandang diunekake kuntul. When this happens, a rice cooker will be said to be a negret.


Wong salah dianggep bener. The wrong person will be assumed to be honest.

Pengkhianat nikmat. Betrayers will live in the utmost of material comfort.

Durjono saya sempurna. The deceitful will decline even further.

Wong jahat munggah pangkat. The evil persons will rise to the top.

Wong lugu kebelenggu. The modest will be trapped.

Wong mulyo dikunjoro. The noble will be imprisoned.

Sing curang garang. The fraudulent will be ferocious.

Sing jujur kojur. The honest will unlucky.

Pedagang akeh sing keplarang. Many merchants will fly in a mess.

Wong main akeh sing ndadi. Gamblers will become more addicted to gambling.

Akeh barang haram. Illegal things will be everywhere.

Akeh anak haram. Many babies will be born outside of legal marriage.

Wong wadon nglamar wong lanang. Women will propose marriage.

Wong lanang ngasorake drajate dhewe. Men will lower their own status.

Akeh barang-barang mlebu luang. The merchandise will be left unsold.

Akeh wong kaliren lan wuda. Many people will suffer from starvation and inability to afford clothing.

Wong tuku nglenik sing dodol. Buyers will become more sophisticated.

Sing dodol akal okol. Sellers will have to use their brains and muscle to dobusiness.

Wong golek pangan kaya gabah diinteri. In the way they earn a living, people will be as rice paddies being swung around and blown up.

Sing kebat kliwat. Some will go wild out of control.

Sing telah sambat. Those who are not ambitious will complaint of beingleft behind.

Sing gede kesasar. The ones on the top will get lost.

Sing cilik kepleset. The ordinary people will slip.

Sing anggak ketunggak. The arrogant ones will be impaled.

Sing wedi mati. The fearful ones will not survive.

Sing nekat mbrekat. The risk takers will be successful.

Sing jerih ketindhih. The ones who are afraid of taking the risks will becrushed under foot.

Sing ngawur makmur. The careless ones will be wealthy.

Sing ngati-ati ngrintih. The careful ones will whine about their suffering.

Sing ngedan keduman. The crazy ones will get their portion.

Sing waras nggagas. The ones who are mentally and physically healthy willthink wisely.

Wong tani ditaleni. The farmers will be controlled.

Wong dora ura-ura. Those who are corrupt will spend their fortunelavishly.

Ratu ora netepi janji, musna kekuasaane. The queen who does not keep her promises will lose herpower.
B
upati dadi rakyat. The leaders will become ordinary persons.

Wong cilik dadi priyayi. The ordinary people will become leaders.

Sing mendele dadi gede. The dishonest persons will rise to the top.

Sing jujur kojur. The honest ones will be unlucky.

Akeh omah ing nduwur jaran. There will be many people own a house on horseback.

Wong mangan wong. People will attack other people.

Anak lali bapak. Children will ignore their fathers.

Wong tuwa lali tuwane. Parents will not want to take their responsibility as parents.

Pedagang adol barang saya laris. Merchants will sell out of their merchandise.

Bandane saya ludes. Yet, they will lose money.

Akeh wong mati kaliren ing sisihe pangan. Many people will die from starvation in prosperoustimes.

Akeh wong nyekel banda nanging uripe sengsara. Many people will have lots of money yet, be unhappy intheir lives.

Sing edan bisa dandan. The crazy one will be beautifully attired.

Sing bengkong bisa nggalang gedong. The insane will be able to build a lavish estate.

Wong waras lan adil uripe nggrantes lan kepencil. The ones who are fair and sane will suffer in theirlives and will beisolated.

Ana peperangan ing njero. There will be internal wars.

Timbul amarga para pangkat akeh sing pada salah paham. As a result of misunderstandings between those at thetop.

Durjana saya ngambra-ambra. The numbers of evil doers will increase sharply.

Penjahat saya tambah. There will be more criminals.

Wong apik saya sengsara. The good people will live in misery.

Akeh wong mati jalaran saka peperangan. There will be many people die in a war.

Kebingungan lan kobongan. Others will be disoriented, and their property burnt.

Wong bener saya tenger-tenger. The honest will be confused.

Wong salah saya bungah-bungah. The dishonest will be joyful.

Akeh banda musna ora karuan lungane. There will be disappearance of great riches.

Akeh pangkat lan drajat pada minggat ora karuansababe. There will be disappearance of great titles, and jobs.

Akeh barang-barang haram, akeh bocah haram. There will be many illegal goods.

Bejane sing lali, bejane sing eling. There will be many babies born without fathers.

Nanging sauntung-untunge sing lali. Those people who forget God’s Will may be happy onearth.

Isih untung sing waspada. But those who are remember God’s will are destined tobe happier still.

Angkara murka saya ndadi. Ruthlessness will become worse.

Kana-kene saya bingung. Everywhere the situation will be chaotic.

Pedagang akeh alangane. Doing business will be more difficult.

Akeh buruh nantang juragan. Workers will challenge their employers.

Juragan dadi umpan. The employers will become bait for their employees.

Sing suwarane seru oleh pengaruh. Those who speak out will be more influential.

Wong pinter diingar-ingar. The wise ones will be ridiculed.

Wong ala diuja. The evil ones will be worshipped.

Wong ngerti mangan ati. The knowledgeable ones will show no compassion.

Banda dadi memala. The pursuit of material comfort will incite crime.

Pangkat dadi pemikat. Job titles will become enticing.

Sing sawenang-wenang rumangsa menang. Those who act arbitrarily will feel as if they are thewinners.

Sing ngalah rumangsa kabeh salah. Those who act wisely will feel as if everything is wrong.

Ana Bupati saka wong sing asor imane. There will be leaders who are weak in their faith.

Patihe kepala judi. Their vice regent will be selected from among theranks of the gamblers.

Wong sing atine suci dibenci. Those who have a holy heart will be rejected.

Wong sing jahat lan pinter jilat saya derajat. Those who are evil, and know how to flatter their boss,will be promoted.

Pemerasan saya ndadra. Human exploitation will be worse.

Maling lungguh wetenge mblenduk. The corpulent thieves will be able to sit back and relax.

Pitik angkrem saduwurane pikulan. The hen will hacth eggs in a carrying pole.

Maling wani nantang sing duwe omah. Thieves will not be afraid to challenge the target.

Begal pada ndugal. Robbers will dissent into greater evil.

Rampok pada keplok-keplok. Looters will be given applause.

Wong momong mitenah sing diemong. People will slander their caregivers.

Wong jaga nyolong sing dijaga. Guards will steel the very things they are to protect.

Wong njamin njaluk dijamin. Guarantors will ask for collateral.

Akeh wong mendem donga. Many will ask for blessings.

Kana-kene rebutan unggul. Everybody will compete for personal victory.

Angkara murka ngombro-ombro. Ruthlessness will be everywhere.

Agama ditantang. Religions will be questioned.

Akeh wong angkara murka. Many people will be greedy for power, wealth and position.

Nggedeake duraka. Rebelliousness will increase.

Ukum agama dilanggar. Religious law will be broken.

Perikamanungsan di-iles-iles. Human rights will be violated.

Kasusilan ditinggal. Ethics will left behind.

Akeh wong edan, jahat lan kelangan akal budi. Many will be insane, cruel and immoral.

Wong cilik akeh sing kepencil. Ordinary people will be segregated.

Amarga dadi korbane si jahat sing jajil. They will become the victims of evil and cruelpersons.

Banjur ana Ratu duwe pengaruh lan duwe prajurit. Then there will come a queen who is influential.

Lan duwe prajurit. She will have her own armies.

Negarane ambane sapra-walon. Her country will measured one-eighth the circumference of the world.

Tukang mangan suap saya ndadra. The number of people who commit bribery will increase.

Wong jahat ditampa. The evil ones will be accepted.

Wong suci dibenci. The innocent ones will be rejected.

Timah dianggep perak. Tin will be thought to be silver.

Emas diarani tembaga. Gold will be thought to be copper.

Dandang dikandakake kuntul. A rice cooker will be thought to be an egret.

Wong dosa sentosa. The sinful ones will be safe and live in tranquility.

Wong cilik disalahake. The poor will be blamed.

Wong nganggur kesungkur. The unemployed will be rooted up.

Wong sregep krungkep. The diligent ones will be forced down.

Wong nyengit kesengit. The people will seek revenge against the fiercelyviolent ones.

Buruh mangluh. Workers will suffer from overwork.

Wong sugih krasa wedi. The rich will feel unsafe.

Wong wedi dadi priyayi. People who belong to the upper class will feeling secure.

Senenge wong jahat. Happiness will belong to evil persons.

Susahe wong cilik. Trouble will belong to the poor.

Akeh wong dakwa dinakwa. Many will sue each other.

Tindake menungsa saya kuciwa. Human behaviour will fall short of moral enlightenment.

Ratu karo Ratu pada rembugan negara endi sing dipilihlan disenengi. Leaders will discuss and choose which countries are their favourite sandwhich ones are not.

Wong Jawa kari separo. The Javanese will remain half.

Landa-Cina kari sejodo. The Dutch and the Chinese each will remain a pair.

Akeh wong ijir, akeh wong cethil. Many become stingy.

Sing eman ora keduman. The stingy ones will not get their portion.

Sing keduman ora eman. The ones who receive their portion will be generous.

Akeh wong mbambung. Street beggars will be everywhere.

Akeh wong limbung. Bewildered persons will be everywhere.

Selot-selote mbesuk wolak-waliking jaman teka. These are the signs that the people and their civilization have been turned upside down.

Bernafas Dalam Mimpi

Suatu malam aku bermimpi. Bermimpi tentang kebahagiaan. Sepertinya tubuhku melayang ringan... hilang semua kekuatiran, ketakutan, keputus-asaan. Aku merasa bahagia sekali. Belum pernah seumur hidupku mengalami bahagia seperti yang aku alami malam itu. Aku merasa hatiku penuh dengan kebahagiaan.

Suasana di mimpi itu begitu terang, begitu jernih, begitu putih.

Dan aku bertemu dia. Seseorang yang aku rasa aku pernah bertemu sebelumnya... Dia sangat cantik, sangat lucu, sangat mungil. Matanya seperti mata tokoh komik Jepang; jernih dan berkaca-kaca. Dia menyebut namaku dan memelukku erat sekali. Badannya ringan seperti kapas, tubuhnya ringan seperti tak bertulang.

Entah siapa dia. Tapi yang aku tahu aku sayang sekali kepadanya, dan rasanya memang sudah terlalu lama kami tidak bertemu. Dan malam itu di mimpi aku bertemu dengannya...

Masih terasa erat pelukannya. Masih terbayang senyuman manisnya. Masih terngiang lembut suaranya memanggil namaku.

*******

Malam kemarin aku mencari-carinya lagi. Berharap dia datang kembali menemui aku. Memberikan senyumannya, menyebut namaku, memelukku lebih erat daripada sebelumnya. Tapi dia tidak ada. Tidak pula ada tanda-tandanya dia datang.

Andai aku bisa...

Andai aku bisa sebebas Ayu Utami atau Djenar Maesa Ayu. Menulis apa saja yang ada di pikiranku. Tanpa malu tanpa ragu tanpa ada batasan. Menuangkan apa yang seharusnya tidak etis untuk dibaca khalayak ramai. Membeberkan rahasia demi rahasia kenikmatan bercinta.

Suatu waktu aku pernah mencoba. Mengarang satu kertas penuh cerita khas mereka. Dengan gaya bahasa yang hampir serupa. Dengan kata-kata simpel yang kadang-kadang justru malah membingungkan. Membangun sebuah misteri. Misteri yang akan selalu menjadi daya tarik semua orang. Misteri tentang bercinta.

Tapi alhasil, kertas itu tidak pernah penuh. Hanya tiga perempat isinya. Tangan ini begitu kaku untuk mengetik. Otak ini penuh ide yang rasa-rasanya begitu malu untuk diketahui banyak orang. Aku tidak akan pernah berhasil menjadi seperti mereka. Entah sampai kapan aku akan bisa secara lugas membahas tentang percintaan. Terutama tentang adegan bercinta.

Padahal akhir-akhir ini begitu banyak pengarang perempuan yang mulai mengikuti jejak mereka. Sebut saja seperti Stephanie Hid, pengarang muda asal Surabaya, ataupun Tamara Geraldine, yang menjadi penulis entah karena aji mumpung ataukah karena memang berbakat. Atau mungkin berbakat masalah bercinta?

Andai aku bisa menjadi seperti Ayu Utami atau Djenar Maesa Ayu. Berbakat seperti mereka. Berdarah seniman seperti mereka. Menjadi penulis sejati seperti mereka. Berjiwa idealis sepenuh hati segenap jiwa seperti yang seringkali mereka kemukakan. Mungkin aku tidak akan pernah menulis cerita tentang bercinta.

Like Lovers Do

There is a paradise that can be found

A better life to bring us round
And all we really need to do
Is see the world like lovers do

I want to take it easy, take it slow
To catch a fire and let it go
I want to give myself to you
So we can live like lovers do

Like lovers do, I want to feel that way
Like lovers do, they lose themselves for days
And I need to feel that way
I can hear you thinking what I feel

I know that what we’ve got is real
And all we need to get us through
Is just to live like lovers do

Like lovers do, I want to feel that way

Like lovers do, they lose themselves for day
And I need to feel, I need to feel that way
Give me strength to give myself to you

Like lovers, lovers do...

*Like Lovers Do, Original Soundtrack of Serendipity, Sung by Heather Nova.

Saturday Special

It is true that Chicken Rice is very easy to find in Singapore. The dish which is originated from Hainan - China, brought by the immigrants to Singapore and finally became one of its signature dish. Each hawker centre in Singapore has its own version and recipe of Chicken Rice. And eventho' chicken rice can be found in any hawker centres, food courts, restaurants, cafes, and even hotels in Singapore, Singaporean never bored of this fragrant rice and steamed chicken.

Being a fan of chicken rice, I can assume that the quality point of a plate of chicken rice is not in the chicken itself. All of the chickens (and probably the rice) in this dish are madely the same, but it's the chili that can be a unique and tasty point of a chicken rice.

After a long time planning, I finally decided to make my own version of chicken rice. With the help of some instant spices (yes, instant... ^___^ ), I'm ready to serve my own Chicken Rice...

Maybe Love Just Ain't Enough...

"When you are in love, you must be telling yourselves that you will accept your love in anyway he or she does. No matter how hard the problem is, you think you can handle that because you love him or her. You think you can climb the mountain, swim from one island to the other island, you even ready to do anything for your love. "

--------
I've been questioning about my love these days.

It's not that I don't love my man anymore. But it's more because things aren't doing well for the both of us, and I'm afraid of losing him over any reasons. And again, maybe love really just ain't enough because I'm too chicken out of fighting for him until the end.

But he said he will fight for me until the end.

That's so sweet of him, and I'm flattering.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I love you... apart of Love might be not enough for our case. I DO realize that NO other man can treat me better than you do. And NO other man can love me better like the way you do...

Well, ahem.....

You Are 86% Sexy

Your Sex Appeal Is: Off the Charts! Let's face it... you're one of the sexiest people around. And you don't let anyone forget it. You're crazy hot, and you deliver on what you promise. You are definitely one wild ride.

How Much Sex Appeal Do You Have?

Majesty

Majesty

Worship His Majesty

Unto Jesus be all glory

Honour and praise

Majesty

Kingdom Authority

Flows from His throne

Unto His own

His anthem raise

So exalt lift up on high

The name of Jesus

Magnify come glorify

Christ Jesus the King

Majesty

Worship His majesty

Jesus who died

Now glorified

King of all kings

* Sung in the Sunday Mass, 10 June 07. Yishun Church. On the celebration of Corpus Christi.

Love in the Bible

“Love is patient; love is kind
and envies no one.
Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;
never selfish, not quick to take offense.
There is nothing love cannot face;
there is no limit to its faith,
its hope, and endurance.
In a word, there are three things
that last forever: faith, hope, and love;
but the greatest of them all is love.”

Original Bible Translation to Indonesian:

"Kasih itu sabar; kasih itu murah hati;
ia tidak cemburu.
Ia tidak memegahkan diri dan tidak sombong.
Ia tidak melakukan yang tidak sopan
dan tidak mencari keuntungan diri sendiri.
Ia tidak pemarah dan tidak menyimpan kesalahan
orang lain.
Ia tidak bersuka cita karena ketidakadilan,
tetapi karena kebenaran.
Ia menutupi segala sesuatu,
percaya segala sesuatu,
mengharapkan segala sesuatu,
sabar menanggung segala sesuatu.
Kasih tidak berkesudahan.
Demikianlah tinggal ketiga hal ini,
yaitu iman, pengharapan dan kasih,
dan yang paling besar diantaranya ialah kasih.


* Taken from the Bible: 1 Corinthians 13.

It's not easy for me...

Suddenly I miss my parents a lot. I miss my family. I miss my big family.

It seemed like I would jump right this very time to catch the last flight to Jakarta. But I didn't do it tho'. Something kept my feet on the ground of Euphony.

And everytime I come to church lately, I feel really guilty to my family.

Guilty with no reason.

Oh yes off course, (sighed....) with reason. Many reasons.

It started out when my godfather passed away last month. A sudden shock for me and for the big family as well. And after that, an array of unfortunate situations came to the family.

And I can't do anything.

I ran to GOD. I come to church more often than before. I pray longer than usual. I cry more tears than I used to do. I seek for GOD's help. I seek for GOD's answer. And on the while, I keep thinking a lot about my family. And it's bothering me even more than before.


--------
I told my man over dinner just now.

I told him that if something forces us for not being together anymore, it won't be because I don't love him anymore. GOD knows I love him now and then. My man is my first love. My first in everything... From him I learn about life and love. From him I learn about faith. He is the one who learn me how to pray, how to love GOD unconditionally, how to let things happen according to GOD's plan.

But it's because I don't have any choices.

And also it's not because I want to be with somebody else.

Not being with my man doesn't mean I will be with the other. I will probably be just by myself.

But at least I don't have to live a lie anymore... because it's not easy for me.

To mas Ade, I know you're reading this with complicated heart and messed mind. But I'm saying this in advance to anticipate what will come in the future. And I know and you know that we know what this is all about. Let's just hope and pray that won't happen to us so we can be together for the rest our lives.

When I Say That I Love You

You feel that you're lonely
It doesn't prove that you are alone
You feel that nobody wants you
It doesn't mean that no one cares about you

Listen to the words I say
That I will always be by your side
You mean everything to Me
And I will never leave you
'Cause I love you so

You think that you're nothing
Before Me you are something beautiful
You think that you can't do anything
But you can do a lot of things with Me

When I say that I love you
It means I give the best for you
When I say that I love you
I will give everything for you
No more fear about the future
And blame for the past
I'd give everything...
When I say that I love you

When I say that I love you....
I really do.


---------

I was introduced to this song by my good friend back when we were in High School. She was in love with this famous guy in the church, and this guy gave her a Gospel song cassette, and this song was one of the lists. The song is practically like the other regular songs, but when you dive into the lyric, you can see that this song is showing how much GOD love us. Me, listening to this song from youtube.com, suddenly remember the Friday evening mass I attended, it was in the homily when the priest seemed like talking to me directly about keeping a close relationship to GOD.

"When I say that I love you... I really do"

JG

Di suatu malam yang sepi di pulau Dewata, aku menatap nanar menembus pandangan sahabatku... malam ini lain dengan malam-malam sebelumnya...

Malam ini begitu dingin begitu sunyi, bahkan di kejauhan pun tak terdengar debur ombak. "Tidak akan ada apa-apa kan Jaz?", kau bertanya sambil memaksakan senyum. Aku hanya menggeleng sambil tetap terdiam. Memang kadang, berada di Bali membuat kita merasa sedikit was-was jika suasana terlalu senyap ataupun terlalu ramai. Kehidupan di Bali sangat berubah total semenjak kejadian bom pertama meledak, dan ditambah bom kedua membuat segala sesuatu seperti hancur berantakan...

Mungkin hancur berantakan seperti hatiku malam ini.

Belum genap dua bulan semenjak aku dan tunanganku pergi ke Bali.
Masih terasa hangat genggaman tangan kokohnya sepanjang kami berjalan di pinggir pantai. Masih terbayang binar matanya menatapku ketika kami makan malam di Jimbaran. Masih terngiang tawa lepasnya disaat aku menginjak kakinya pada waktu kami berdansa dibawah sinar bintang...

Semua masih terasa seperti kemarin.

Dan sekarang aku berada di Bali, sebenarnya sendirian... tapi sahabatku memaksa menemani dengan dalih ingin berlatih yoga. Aku sudah tak mampu lagi menolak dan akhirnya meyakinkan hati bahwa dia benar-benar ingin berlatih, dan bukannya hanya alasan untuk menemani aku yang sedang luruh lantak ini.

Sayup samar aku seperti mendengar suaranya...
"Thanks for this surprise holiday, baby," he smiled and gently kissed my hand.
"I love being here," he continued. "I've never thought I could be able to come to Bali... my previous job hadn't even left me a single holiday for my own. But I'm glad I'm here with you, my dear".

Sekarang aku merasa pipiku memerah hanya dengan mengingat apa yang dia katakan padaku waktu itu.

Waktu ketika dia berujar:

"Will you marry me?", he kneeled down and handed me a beautiful ring, without a box. I was stunned. And in the midst of answering the question and mumbling of that "naked" ring, I was crying...

Being a man with "extra" sense, he completely knew what I had in mind. "Don't worry, it's a Tiffany... I didn't carry the box, in case you're suspicious of what I carried in my pocket. I left it in the room, you can take it later.", he smiled and got up.

Ketika aku bercerita seperti ini kepadamu sahabatku, kau tertawa terbahak-bahak sambil menghembuskan asap rokokmu dan berkata, "Matre loe". Aku hanya tersenyum karena tidak sanggup tertawa... Cincin itu adalah cincin yang paling indah yang pernah aku lihat. Aku bahkan tidak peduli apa itu dari Tiffany & Co. atau hanya sekedar cincin besi yang dibuat dengan tangan. Tapi buat apa cincin besi atau Tiffany, kalau kau tidak ada bersamaku sekarang ini...

Sekarang aku bersama sahabatku. Yang dengan setia mendengarkan tangis dan tawaku... yang kerap kali berdalih akan mendengarkan ceritaku sambil mempratekkan gerakan-gerakan yoga yang ajaib itu... yang dengan sabar selalu berkata:

"Sabar dan pasrah Jaz, berdoa... mungkin ini ujian... Tuhan tahu siapa yang paling baik buat kita."

This post has no ending, since I'm working on finishing the story and choosing the right ending for it.

Thanks for inspiring this, Li... just everytime you go to Bali, I always have something to write for. Maybe you have to live in Bali anyway.

Nikita - Betapa Hatiku

Betapa Hatiku
Berterima Kasih Tuhan
Kau mengasihiku
Kau memilikiku

Hanya ini Tuhan
Persembahanku
Segenap hidupku
Jiwa dan ragaku
S'bab tak kumiliki
Harta kekayaan
Yang cukup berarti
'tuk ku persembahkan
Hanya ini Tuhan
Permohonanku
Terimalah Tuhan
Persembahanku
Pakailah hidupku
Sebagai alat-Mu
Seumur hidupku

The grass is greener on the other side...

Surely it is.

PHO

Did you know?

That the Vietnamese Noodle Soup, or famously known as Pho is different in Viet Nam and in other Asian countries. The soup that I used to eat in Pho Hoa, Pho 2000 or Pho 24 in Jakarta or even Singapore (also Pho Hoa restaurant, and The Orange Lantern VN Restaurant), is only using bean sprouts and spring onion as the topping. But in Ho Chi Minh City, the toppings are various and you probably cannot recall what kind of vegetable is that. When I first had my pho the other day, I was totally confused. The waiters served a plate of raw vegetables to be put into the soup, and there wasn't only bean sprout and spring onion but also fresh basil leaves, slices of red onion, mint leaves, two other types of "leaves" that I had no idea what to call and even freshly cut jalapeno chilies!!!.

The sauce also came in two types: Black Bean Sauce and Chili Sauce.

ASEAN

Been living in Singapore, travelling frequently to some parts of Malaysia and recently visiting Bangkok and Ho Chi Minh City, I still wonder why Jakarta can be so expensive...

Below is the comparison of a plate of Chicken Rice in some ASEAN cities:

Jakarta (Plaza Senayan Food Court) = Rp 35.000 (S$ 6)
Singapore (Takashimaya Food Court) = S$ 4
Kuala Lumpur (Suria KLCC Food Court) = RM 4.5 (S$ 2.5)
Bangkok (Central Chidlom Food Court) = Baht 60 (S$ 2.5)
Ho Chi Minh City (Parkson Food Court) = VND 25.000 (S$ 2.5)

The food courts I mentioned above are all located in the prime area. Plaza Senayan in Jakarta is one of the favourite mall, even the newest one: Senayan City, is more expensive. Takashimaya in Singapore is a house of world branded items. Suria KLCC is located below the famous Twin Tower. Central Chidlom in Bangkok is on the tourist shopping street. Parkson Shopping Centre in Dong Khoi Street, District 1 HCMC is one of the luxurious mall.

I think those malls are equal enough to be compared.

But why a portion of Chicken Rice in Jakarta is more expensive than the others? Is it because Chicken Rice is not a "real" Indonesian food? How about the other traditional foods like Rawon (Eastern Javanese Beef in Black Soup) and Soto Betawi (Beef in Thick Coconut Soup) which the stalls are placed next to this Chicken Rice? How about them?

Well, a portion of those soups including rice is about Rp 30.000 - Rp 40.000 (S$5 to S$ 6.5).

So it's not about the Chicken Rice being an "unauthentic" traditional food of Indonesia, but it's a matter of pricing method in Jakarta.

To cut the story short, I just hope that the government (in this case, is Indonesian government) is more concern about the food pricing in Indonesia, especially in Jakarta, as food can be a trigger for a crime.

Miss Saigon

On the streets of Saigon, I saw you walking around... I saw your face as pale as your white Áo dài and it seemed like your body flowing with it. I saw the tears coming down from your sad eyes, but you forced a smile when I asked you what went wrong...

"It's because of the war," you told me sadly. "It might be over 30 years ago, but the reminiscence of the war left me a bigger wound than a weapon could do. We probably look strong and develop a steep line during these years, but the bad memories of the war keep haunting us until we never know when".

"Everybody hates war", I told her fondly. "Let's not look into the past, but let ourselves see the bright side of tomorrow, you and the country still have so many opportunities."

I continued, "You, Miss Saigon, the future of this country lies in you, why don't you just get up and make a new start? Mourning is not helping your country...."

"But I just can't get rid of the memory", she replied. "I live with it day by day, I even can't move from this area, and just every second I hear the heartbeat of the Viet Cong soldiers in the tunnel below the streets."

I just don't know what to do anymore... I can't help her to forget about the war.

To the Miss Saigon I saw in the Reunification Palace, HCMC, May 2007:
The war is over, you realized that. And it is the time for Viet Nam to face the new life... if the country can beat America, then the country can also beat the world. You don't have to be worry, Viet Nam will be all good as probably you can't ever imagine.

Just Rest In Peace...