Maybe Yes, Maybe No (Part III)

Things are packed...

I'm going back to Singapore tomorrow evening. After being in Jakarta for 10days, surrounding by the warmth and love from my family, spending time with my best friends and eating those traditional foods that I cannot find in Singapore... I'm starting to miss my life here. I miss my family, the whole family of mine: my grandparents, uncles and aunties, cousins and distant cousins, I miss my best friends - I miss the times when we were chatting in a cafe or lounge - when we smoked ;-p ............ I miss completely everything.

I don't know why I feel a bit mellow tonight, maybe because it's raining heavily outside...

Things are different this time, Jakarta is smoother and friendlier.

Should I go back to Jakarta, and live here again for good? Am I ready to take all the consequences? Being surrounded with the same things, same situations, just like before... I probably won't be ready, not again, not anymore... Maybe I'm just a loser who is too afraid to face the reality in Jakarta... maybe I will never be ready to be in Jakarta again, maybe I'm too "drama-queen" for all these, maybe I am... but still, there'll always be "maybe yes and maybe no."

Maybe Yes, Maybe No (Part II)

Based on many resources, Scholarship is something that is given to an individual or a group, as an award for achieving a certain range of criteria. This range of criteria is vary from one institution to the other. Well in my case, the scholarship is given to the prospective student who can score for more than 75% in a total of 12 modules.

I'm not saying I'm that qualified for this scholarship I mentioned above. But according to the record, and my experiences... I'm more than able to have that 75%. But still, all belong to GOD, if this is not for me, I can do nothing than pray and wait for my turn. It hurts like hell, yes it is, knowing that you can have the opportunity to get scholarship but then a group of people ruined it and you got nothing, absolutely nothing... empty, zero...

What should I do then? Complain?

I'm not that complaint type kind-a-person.

Maybe this one really isn't for me. Maybe my scores are also not as great as I think. Maybe this scholarship thing is only a joke, a thing to endorse more students to enroll to this school... I don't know, I'm not sure if this scholarship is even exist... Maybe it is... Maybe Yes, Maybe No.

Maybe Yes, Maybe No (Part I)

Maybe I have to give up...


Everything in this world belongs to GOD... everything... you name it, and it belongs to GOD. Even this world also belongs to GOD.

Singapore, Euphony, all the things in it, my life in Singapore, and everything that I have achieved during my time in Singapore, all are GOD's belonging. If GOD order me to leave Singapore and go to London in this very time, I have to be ready...... and also, if GOD order me to stay in Jakarta for the rest of my life, I don't have any choice then to be completely ready.

Maybe I have to give up... Maybe I have to go back, to the place where I should be, to the place that I have been avoiding for this whole year. Maybe a dream is only a dream... It's not that I don't believe in my dreams, but I have to get real, as real as I can be.

Giving up doesn't mean that I'm a Loser... I maybe cannot get what I wish for, but I know for sure that I give up for the sake of so many people...

Maybe I have to give up...
"Maybe yes, maybe no"*



*This quote is taken from the famous Above The Line (ATL) advertisement in commercial television in Jakarta

Changi Airport, Friday 20/04/07

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
It's Friday afternoon in Changi...

I have the Sausage prata in my left hand, my breakfast cum lunch cum dinner... my supper would be the Manadonese food from Chamoe Chamoe or Manadonese food stall in Electronic City food court... which one is which, anything will do cause it's been months since my last "original" Manadonese food.

I will arrive in Jakarta at 5.35pm, the time for custom clearance, immigration, and baggage collection, probably will be about 1hour, the journey to home will be more than 2hours I presumed, .... it's Friday evening, the road should be more crowded than usual... but it's worth to wait that long since I will have my Manadonese food very soon!!!


"Sapa bilang pelaut mata keranjang
Kapal ba stom lapas tali lapas cinta
Sapa bilang pelaut pamba tunangan
Jangan parcaya mulu rica rica

So balayar sampe so kaujung dunia
Banya doi baroyal abis parcuma
Dorang bilang pelaut obral cinta
Dompe so kosong baru inga rumah

Mana jo ngana pe sumpa
Mana jo ngana pe cinta
So samua kita pe punya ngana so minta
Kita bale ngana so laeng
Kita bale ngana so kaweng
Cikar kanan Vaya Condios cari laeng..."

My favorite Manadonese song, usually sung by Chamoe Chamoe home band...

I always give them a BIG tip if they sing this song...

Waroeng Chamoe-Chamoe
Ikan Bakar Manado





Jl. Panglima Polim IX No. 53
Jakarta 12160
Tel. +62 21 720 8294; +62
21 726 7094
Fax. +62 21 727 91805

Gedung Millenia Lantai 2
Sudirman Central Business District
Jl. Jend. Sudirman
Jakarta Selatan 12190
Tel. +62 21 5152905; +62 21 515 2906

I'm going to Jakarta with an MBA in my name...

I'm flying to Jakarta today
With an MBA after my very name
Thank GOD I finally made it
This title is especially for YOU, my man, and my parents

I was trying so hard
Not just for getting good scores, but also to keep the balance fit
I know I have been through this year with a success
But please don't ever leave me after this
Don't ever leave even after everything

For I know that I really can't live without YOU by my side
I will surely die without YOUR love
For I also know that this MBA will be useless if YOU don't guide me how to apply it
.
.
.
Thank you GOD for believing and choosing me to be an MBA, out of millions of people in this world, you picked me out and gave me this amazing opportunity...

"Kejamnya Ibu Tiri Tidak Sekejam Ibukota"

Masih ingat kata pepatah diatas? Kalimat diatas adalah sebentuk pepatah yang sangat populer di Jakarta sekitar tahun 1980-an. Bahkan kalau nggak salah ada sebuah film dibuat demi menjabarkan arti lebih lanjut dari pepatah diatas itu...

Kejamnya Ibu Tiri Tidak Sekejam Ibukota... Apa benar? Kalau begitu, bagaimana dengan Ibu Mertua? Kejam mana Ibu Mertua dengan Ibukota? Huahahahahaha...
............................................................

Entah kenapa kakiku berat sekali melangkah... Hari ini harus ke Jakarta, harus... harus... apalagi tiket memang udah dibeli. Tapi sampai sekarang (6 jam sebelum keberangkatan) koper belum diberesin, laptop belum dimasukkan di dalam tas, belum mandi, belum siap2... belum apa2.

Perjalanan dari rumah ke Changi sekitar 30 menit. Check-in minimal 2 jam sebelum jam keberangkatan. Setelah dikurang2in, aku hanya punya waktu 3,5 jam untuk bersiap2. Kalau tidak... bisa2 ketinggalan pesawat... atau, aku biarkan saja diriku tertinggal supaya aku tidak perlu ke Jakarta?

Ada apa dengan Jakarta sampai2 aku enggan sekali menginjakkan kaki disana? Padahal Jakarta adalah tempat dimana keluarga dan orang tuaku berada... Padahal Jakarta ada sahabat2ku... Padahal Jakarta ada makanan2 yang super enak, yang nggak bisa aku dapatkan disini... Padahal segala sesuatu terlihat lebih murah di Jakarta... Padahal aku bisa nongkrong di cafe setiap hari tanpa kuatir harus bayar mahal... Padahal... Padahal... Padahal....

Tapi aku memang tidak suka berada di Jakarta... bukan karena kondisi dan situasi kota Jakarta. Bukan karena berbangga diri tinggal di luar negeri... bukan juga karena Jakarta semakin sesak dan tidak nyaman. Dan bukan juga karena aku tidak nasionalis... Mengingat ini, aku jadi ingat perkataan ibuku sesaat sebelum aku memutuskan untuk pergi kesini... "Biar bagaimanapun, lebih enak tinggal di negara sendiri..."

Kalau saja Jakarta memang suatu tempat yang bisa aku tinggali dengan enak seperti perkataan ibuku itu.

Tapi sayangnya tidak,
Jakarta bukan tempat yang nyaman untukku hidup dan tinggal
Jakarta bukan tempat diriku bernaung
Jakarta bukan untuk diriku

Jakarta adalah tempat dimana aku harus menahan perih hati, sakit hati,
benci hati
Jakarta adalah tempat dimana aku harus melawan derasnya air mata dan
memaksakan suatu bentuk senyuman
Jakarta adalah tempat dimana aku harus menahan sakit kepala dan degup
jantung amarah

Jakarta... Jakarta... Jakarta...

Mungkin seharusnya pepatah diatas diganti... "Kejamnya Ibukota Tidak Sekejam Ibu Mertua" (sigh...)

Note to Mas Ade:

Sorry if this sounds related to your mother, I didn't say it's not nor it is... but if you insist me to be honest, maybe your mother inspired me in writing this thing, that's all. As I ever mentioned in my profile: This blog is not really about me, this is about everybody. So I just composed it by mixing all the scratches together... for whatever it is... As I have chosen you to be my lifetime partner, I'm more than ready to accept anything in the family, being with you is also being with the whole family... so no need to be worry if you saw this and wondering if this was coming from the bottom of my heart... Ok, well... if you insist me again, hmmm, ok ok ok, well... hehehehehe, yeah... hmmm, I DO love your mother as my own, but sometimes I can't stand on her... I really can't stand on her, for GOD's sake... but it's just ok,... because I know she can rely on no one, not a single one, only us... it's only us who love her endlessly... it's only us who she can really turn to... it's only us who give help without asking for a return.. it's really really only us... so, it's just ok and I'm really ok with that, I'm all in,... for GOD have mercy for the children who love their parents and take care of them with their heart and soul, sincerely...

Mami, I DO love you, I love you just as you are my own mother, I give you my hands, my heart and my smile... Tho' it will take thousands of years for you to even realise that I love you MORE than your own children love you, but I know that at least you are thinking of me and mentioning my name in your prayer every night... it's more than just enough... it's just WONDERFUL...

Vietnamese Spring Roll

I made this one for last weekend...


Vietnamese Spring Roll:
1. Rice Paper (picture as shown). I bought in Market Place, Vivo City. S$1.35 for 100 grams: +/- 20 rice papers).
2. Local Lettuce.
3. Cucumber.
4. Big Prawn.
5. Crab Stick.


Sauce I:
Mix together mayonnaise and lime juice. Set aside.

Sauce II:
Mix together fish sauce, light soya sauce, lime juice and chili padi. Set aside.

The Making:

Put rice paper in the warm water for 5 seconds, drain and put in the flat container. Add local lettuce, cucumber, prawn and crab stick. Wrap it like a regular spring roll. Dip in Sauce I and II. Ready to eat.

Hatiku Galau...

It must be because I'm going to Jakarta this Friday. Just everytime I have to go to Jakarta I will have a sudden headache....

Again, it's not because of I don't love my family, I do, a lot, I love them very much... but I just don't suit Jakarta anymore, I just don't belong there anymore. Some probably say that just because I live in a foreign country then I don't fancy Jakarta anymore, no it's not that, I still love my Jakarta, I love everything about it... but my heart cannot lie...

Singapore is where I can live peacefully with my man, without anyone bothering us, without the hustle and bustle of the work and deadline, without family problems around us. In here, it's just us... me, and him fullstop.

I might be wrong when I quoted Singapore as my home... I don't really heart Singapore to call it a home for me, but probably it was just because I have my man here so I called Singapore my home. But actually my home is my man, not Singapore.

"I find home in people, not in places..."

I'm a true Christian....

Christianity 83% Buddhism 75% Islam 71% Judaism 58% Paganism 42% Satanism 29% Hinduism 17% agnosticism 0% atheism 0% Which religion is the right one for you? (new version) created with QuizFarm.com

JazzyGarden's Satay Kambing Goreng

Satay Kambing Goreng:

1. 600grams of fresh Lamb Chop, cut into small pieces

2. One tablespoon of Light (Salted) Soy Sauce

3. Dark Soy Sauce (according to the liking)

4. Two tablespoons of Corriander Powder,

5. One tablespoon of Ground Pepper Powder

6. Chili Powder (optional)

7. One tablespoon of Lime juice

8. One piece of big red onion, sliced

9. Three pieces of garlic, diced

10. Two pieces of big red chili, cut diagonally

11. Two pieces of big green chili, cut diagonally

The making:

1. Mix the pieces of lamb chop with corriander and pepper powder, dark and light soy sauce, set aside and marinade for 1hour.

2. Put oil and butter into pan, fry the onion and garlic, put the marinated lamb chops and chilies together. Stir fry for about 5mins (or until cooked, but not too long). Set aside the juice from the lamb chops for the sauce.

3. Served with fresh cabbage, tomato and onion.

The sauce:

1. Prepare the peanut sauce (can be made from the real blended peanut or the ready made peanut or satay sauce).

2. Mix the peanut sauce with the lamb juice in a pan. Stir until all blended together.

3. Put the sauce into small bowl, mix with one teaspoon of lime juice, garnished with fried shallots.

* This satay can be served with hot steamed rice or rice cake.

"Nasi Kuning" for my sweet...

Well, it's my man's birthday and I made him a delicious mouth watering "Nasi Kuning". As seen above, there are the Nasi Kuning, Fried Prawn, Sambal Teri, Fresh Cucumber, and the star of all is the Satay Kambing Goreng. This Satay Kambing Goreng recipe was originally from here and modified a bit to suit my taste.

* Happy Birthday Darling!!!

In Lieu of Easter Sunday...

Today I have a day off
In lieu of Easter Sunday, my office decided to give the employees a day off... so the total (since the Good Friday) is FOUR days off.... hooray!!!

So today I went to Orchard, enjoying and pampering myself...
I planned to buy something (a turtle neck baby doll from Dorothy Perkins) but at the end I cannot find it... maybe it's sold out already.
In the late afternoon I went to Carousel in Royal Plaza on Scotts for Buffet High Tea. The cost is S$27.4 nett per person (HSBC card holder gets 15% discount!!!). At first I didn't really believe that the price is soooo affordable, because the foods are too many for only a High Tea... it's almost like a Buffet Breakfast or Lunch...

For the heavy eaters... nasi goreng, noodles, cold soba, Thai Pandan Chicken (superb!!!), curry, Singapore Laksa, and Glutinus Chicken Rice can be the alternatives.

For the light eaters, or for anyone who is tired of shopping and walking,... there are lots of steamed and fried Dim Sum (Halal), varieties of Sushi and Sashimi, mouth watering salads (poached salmon salads, cold cuttlefish, pasta and beef bacon salad, fruit cocktail and potato salad), canapes!!!, sandwiches... and also popiah, chicken pie, roti prata...

For soups and deserts... Carousel has pumpkin and Chinese chicken soup, two choices of porridge, local deserts, tarts, mousses, bread pudding, and chocolate fountain (with grapes, pineapples and plums).

In overall, this restaurant is worth to try... everything was excellent here. The food, the service, the ambience, the price... but nothing is competely perfect, isn't it? In my opinion, the one thing I feel unsatisfied about Carousel is only the timing allowed for this Buffet High Tea. Carousel opens 24 hours per day, Buffet Lunch finishes at 2.30pm and High Tea starts at exactly 3.30pm and ends at 5.30pm, while the Dinner will be served at 7pm. Maybe it's because of the Dinner time so the staffs have to prepare 1,5 hours before it, but 2hours (3.30 to 5.30pm) for dining-in in such a convenient and delicious Buffet restaurant is not enough... okay, for me, it's not enough... but yes, usually High Tea is only around 2 or 2,5 hours, so no hope can be extended further... unless the staffs can prepare it faster (and in Carousel, even before 5.30pm, the staffs already started their preparation for the dinner :< ).

Holy Week, Seventh Day (Sunday)

Easter Sunday....
Went to 6pm mass.

Thanks be to GOD
for this 7 days
for being with me
for watching me from above
for listening to my prayers
for everything

As in above all my wish lists, my first wish is to ask You to always love me, be with me and never leave me alone.

Holy Week, Sixth Day (Saturday)

The Easter Vigil...
The mass began at 8.30pm, and at 7.15pm I was already in the church

It was a very long mass
Even longer than I expected... but I loved it, I can feel the warmth of the people... they kept smiling to each other, holding hands... crying...


The test:
GOD made me see that "no-material" required to be in the church, just be yourself and pray...
for GOD will touch us in HIS own way...


* I wrote five wish lists while in the church...

Holy Week, Fifth Day (Friday)

Good Friday...

This is the D-Day
The Day when Jesus died in the cross...
.
.
.
.
.

I came 50mins before the mass, I thought I was the first batch... at least the church still empty... But I was mistaken. The church was almost full loaded!!! But Thank GOD I got the chair, in the middle row... enough to see and hear the Priest clearly.


The test: Cannot concentrate

Holy Week, Fourth Day (Thursday)

This day is Maundy Thursday...
The day when Jesus had His last supper with His disciples

The mass held at 7.30pm
And I was.... late again!!!

Today I happened to be around Harbour Front, so I took SMRT bus 855 from opposite Vivo City to Yishun Bus Interchange. Ok, the journey indeed was so long... from the south Singapore to the north... but it's usually take only 1hour. I was waiting in the bus stop at 6pm so I thought I would have spare time for 30mins...

But at least this time I wouldn't miss much

Back to the bus...
I was sleeping while in the bus because I feel dizzy, I was sweating all over and really wanted to throw up (sorry...).

The test:
Being late (again), my body wasn't feeling well... dizzy...

Holy Week, Third Day (Wednesday)

This is the third day
Also the third day of my vegetarian fasting
Still four days to go
I know I can survive...

Today, to cover my late yesterday
I came very very early
I even can join the whole rosary praying
Hooray...

But then... hold the second...
What happened to me?
I was like, almost sleeping...
Oh Lord, oh no... this wasn't good... this really not good
Sleeping in Church???

But why I was so sleepy...
My eyes were so hard to open, I cannot concentrate
Then I felt headache
My oh my...
Then the "N" was coming again
And I was afraid

Why can't I pray peacefully???


The test:
Sleepy in the Church, so hard concentrate because I was afraid of the "N"

Holy Week, Second Day (Tuesday)

Today is the second day of the holy week...
I have to go to the school before the mass, to submit my final project
The mass began at 6.30pm, and at around 5.45pm I was still in Robinson Road
The Church is in Yishun St.22
I have to rush... really rush...

5.55pm
I was standing in Raffles Place MRT Station, waiting for the train

6.15pm
I was still in Ang Mo Kio

6.28pm
I reached Yishun MRT
Walked fast to the Bus Interchange

6.32pm
I was in the 804 SMRT bus

6.33pm, 6.35pm, 6.40pm...
Jam in front of Northpoint Shopping Mall!!!!
Oh Lord...

6.45pm
I alighted in front of the Yishun Ring Rd.
I still had to walk another 5mins to the Church

6.52pm
I was in the Chapel..
Very heavily breathing
I was the last person coming
No chair
I missed the 2/3 of the mass
It was when "Our Father" was prayed...

7.00pm
The mass was ended

I only spent 8mins in the mass
How come....

But I know GOD must know
I was rushing
But still I cannot make it


The test:
Being late, missed the 2/3 of the mass... Missed almost everything

Holy Week, First Day (Monday)

Today is the first day of the holy week.
I went to Church a bit early to join the rosary...
My first rosary in English
All people gathered together, praying...
Oh Lord, now I know how small I am in front of you... being together with these religious people... I am nothing but a dust...

The test:
An "N" came over... I was afraid, cannot concentrate the whole mass, praying to GOD to guard me... after the end of the mass, that person just went off without bothering me... Thanks GOD

London... in the future

After a long discussion, dealing, as well as negotiation...
Me and my man decided to relocate to London ONLY after 2 or 3 years settling down in Singapore...

Hooray!!!

Recently, I felt like I'm ready to move on...

Move to London

It will not be easy for sure, I know...

But I will try to fit

Ok, maybe it's all because London has Harrods... and Burberry... and Debenhams, Marks & Spencer, and NEXT, Dorothy Perkins... Topshop, and Red Herring, Principles... *blushing*

Long Time No Blog

Well...I have no energy for writing these nowadays
I do log-in in blogger.com every day
But then I just look at my previous posts and signing out...
That was crazy I know
But probably because my mood is not ok recently

Ok...

Yesterday is my graduation day
Finally, an MBA
It's not that because I came all alone
Or because this week I'm totally broke (blame the latest edition COACH clutch bag as my own present for myself!!!)
But I'm sad
Really sad
I don't know what's happening